Life can be rough

No one ever said it wouldn't be, right?

We're not guaranteed a smooth run... and as bi-peds (I'd say humans but for some that's quite the stretch and I for one cannot suspend disbelief far enough to encompass all the supposed human beings on the planet) we have to rise above the crap and make the most of what we have.

Some days it's harder than others  - that's a given.

Today was a rough one for Delta.

One of our own got some bad news - it wasn't unexpected but it was still hard to hear. We deal with things like this as a unit... circle the wagons.

So, while we're circling and holding hell at bay...

Go read The _Byte series... there will be a new one along soon.
Gods willing.

I can do this...

I can do it as long as I crank the stereo up and don't listen to anything but Modern West. Okay so pushing the crazy association my mind makes between a certain doctor I know well (yeah, yeah we all know it's Kurt) and Kevin Costner - is not easy.

But today I need this music more than I ever have before. So my office door is shut - the music is probably audible from the bullpen but I am beyond caring.

This situation we're in - sucks and gives change.

A few theories have been postulated about what will happen next, about my next step, and what lies ahead.  Mostly within my own head, because I don't want to involve the team in this particular left field life robbing event.

Probably would be a little easier if the team had all the information I do but we've got a stack of cases to wade through and currently NCIS are 'handling' the situation... only they don't know what it really is either. (What is it with me and my inability to ask for freaking help? What is it about me that makes a crazy man hold a grudge for so many years - and search for a woman that died? Maybe we shouldn't have sent him home without first erasing his memory - if only that were an option!)

There will be no heroic rescue. No hero.

The thing that guts me the most is, I don't know why I don't just tell them all (NCIS included) what this is. What the outcome will be. How much of it has to do with me. I don't know. I don't know if this is because it was along time ago and that person is dead now so this can't be happening - yeah, let's go with denial. Because when someone is hunting you the very best response is to stick your head in the sand...
So what have I done?
For the first time in years I'm carrying two guns. Usually there are no loaded weapons in the house, except my pistol which is always in my bedside drawer if I'm home, now everything in the gun safe is loaded. Not only that, but I took a rifle with spare ammunition and several sights and stashed it under the backseat of Mac's truck. It's the rifle I use when I go to Quantico some weekends.
Also, I used another situation to send Carla away with Rowan, so none of them would realize the real reason I sent her away.
And now I'm heading out of town using a light cover (but in this instance that's all it needs to be) with Kurt to help him with a case. I can that tell that will go well - all I want to listen to is KCMW and I'm going to be away with Kurt. It's only a matter of time before I slip and call Kurt, Kevin.
Shoot me now. :)

My plan is pretty much to keep Carla safely out of the way while I disappear (but I'm working so it's legitimate disappearing) until this blows over.

And I don't believe for one second it will blow over.

I'm pretty much screwed. It's okay I don't mean that... kinda hoping that listening to Kevin Costner and Modern West will trigger something clever in my tired brain and it doesn't all end the way I think it might. I never expected to rock out my days on a screen porch but I thought I might be around long enough to see Carla grow up.

If ever there was a time for a Christopher Chance rescue - this is it. Ha!

Listen to this - pretty sure you'll love it.

Ain't life fun??

Until next time kids...

SSA Ellie Conway, out.

Dear Universe...

Dear Universe,

I'm truly sorry for whatever I did to piss you off but do you have to continue this course you seem set on? Can we not find a less destructive path?

Really?

Can't we just agree I was bad and give me a good smack across the knuckles with a ruler?

If you are waiting for a specific apology I'm afraid I don't know exactly, which of the many things I'm sure I've done, has tipped the scales.

Wish I did. If I did I'm sure I could muster up some contrition.

I just don't see how what you're doing now is going to solve anything.

Thank you for your time,
SSA Ellie Conway.

PS: Now I'm going to go watch Jon Bon Jovi in Vampires: Los Muertos because sometimes you need to hang up your brain and enjoy the pretty. :)

The last few days...

Have been interesting - I think that's the best way to describe them.

I had hopes that 2012 might be an amazing year and I'm not rethinking that but it is disappointing to find  the lunatics are still just as loony and my job is as busy as ever.

As usual I'm waiting on mail.

Seems to be how it is these days.

Hoping a package will arrive this week.

Turns out I am a bit of a Pollyanna (okay, it's well hidden).

How is your January going?

I had visions of making this a meaty blog post - but Kurt is waving car keys at me... looks like we have somewhere we need to be.

The half finished Christmas story

I wish every day could be like Christmas (but not like this)

“Honey, where’s my list?”

“On the kitchen counter, Mom.”

I tripped over the cat almost spilling the precious black liquid in my mug.

“Shrek, keep out of the way,” I hissed hurrying into the kitchen. Sure enough the notepad with list still attached was on the counter. Bite marks decorated the bottom of the list.

Shrek.

Carla bounced into the room.

“You ready?” I asked checking the list. Twice.

“Yes, Mom.”

I glanced at her.

“Let’s try that again. Jacket, hat, scarf, gloves?”

“It’s too hot in the mall,” she complained.

“Jacket then.” I’m all about compromise if it means we can get going.

She smiled. “Okay.”

My phone rang.

Carla squawked. “Don’t answer it!”

Tempting.

“I have to, you know that.”

The screen flashed with Sam’s name. I almost crossed myself. Hearing from Delta on Christmas eve eve was generally because we had a new disturbing case and was almost always time sensitive.

“Hey Sam, problem?”

“Perhaps…” He paused, cleared his throat, and continued. “A potential problem Chicky babe.”

“Uh huh.” It didn’t sound good. “Out with it then.”

“Aren’t you taking Carla shopping?”

“Yes.”

“Fair oaks mall?”

“Yes.”

“We’ll meet you for coffee at Starbucks in an hour. That’s downstairs by the Apple store?”

“Yes it is. Okay, see you there.”

Carla twirled around the kitchen.

“Can we go?”

“Yep.”

I grabbed my keys, list, and handbag. Alone at the front door I turned and called out, “Waiting on you kiddo.”

She hurried toward me from the kitchen with a sandwich in her hand.

Hungry as always.

Snowflakes tumbled from the sky. I hoped they would stop. Driving in snow is not as much fun as it used to be. Back when I was ten foot tall and bullet proof, pre-Carla. Kids change you.

I parked in the Seers parking lot.

“Remember which entrance we used Carla or we’ll be trapped here all day.”

Carla laughed. “Yeah because the parking lot is full of federal cars.”

“Smarty pants.”

The mall was over warm as usual. Outside the jewelers Carla asked for cash.

I am now an ATM for a teenager. Not only did she ask for cash but she disappeared with it. I used the opportunity to shop in peace and find a few extra things for Carla’s stocking and get Sam and Lee their gifts. Ticking things off. I grabbed a coffee from Caribou while I was upstairs shopping. When I wandered to the Apple store shopping bags dangling from one hand and my delicious Caribou coffee in the other. I found Sam and Lee at the Starbucks across from Apple, already drinking coffee and seated at a table.

“Okay so share,” I said slipping into the empty chair.

“What are you getting Kurt for Christmas?” Sam asked pushing his cup in circles.

“Seriously?”

This is the problem?

Lee nodded.

“What do we get Doc?” Sam asked tapping his cup.

“He’s not that difficult.” I pulled my list out. Doc’s name sat there ringed in red with a big question mark after it. “Okay he is.”

“Come on Chicky, you know him better than us. He’s your partner.”

“You’d think but I just spend more time with him than either of you. He doesn’t share much.”

“Crap,” Lee groaned.

“We’re investigators. So we investigate,” I said. How hard can it be?

Lee’s eye lit up.

“Anyone ever been to his house?” Lee asked.

Sam and I stared blankly at him.

He always comes to us.

“Hang on, we do Sunday dinners every two weeks… are you telling me we’ve never done Sunday dinner at Kurt’s place?” I asked.

“Can you remember going to his house for Sunday dinner?” Lee turned it back on me.

I shook my head. We’ve been doing Sunday dinners for years. How the hell he managed to weasel out of having us all at his place was anyone’s guess.

“What music does he like?” I asked.

“No, no, no, that’s your department Chicky,” Sam replied.

“We’re screwed,” I said finishing my coffee.

“Field trip,” Lee announced. “We’re going to Doc’s.”

“Ballsy,” I replied.

“Where’s Carla?” Lee asked scanning the mall near us.

“I’ll call her.”

She answered quickly with a question. “Mom what do I get Doc?”

The million dollar question.

“Ah, the question of the hour. Are you done?”

“Yeah, apart from Doc.”

“Meet me at Starbucks, ground floor by the information center and Apple.”

“Coming.”

I hung up.

When Carla arrived a fiendish plan hatched. Carla, Sam, Lee, and I piled into my car. I pulled over a block away from Doc’s home and called Doc’s house. No answer. I called his direct dial at work. Not his cell, you can answer a cell anywhere. I wanted to know where he was.

He answered on the third ring. He was at his desk.

“Ellie? You need something?”

“Nah, not really. Just wondered if you’d like to come over for dinner tonight?” My fingers crossed all by themselves.

He paused, I knew he digesting my invitation. “Sure, what time? I’m just finishing up some paper work.”

I checked my watch. It was just after four.

“Seven?”

“Should be done by then, but I’ll probably come straight from work. I’ll pick up a bottle of wine.”

“Sounds great. See you then.”

“He’s not home, so we can’t visit,” Carla sounded disappointed.

I smiled.

So young, so innocent.

“Now what?” Sam asked.

“You and Carla stay here. Lee and I will do some recon.”

“Here?” Carla asked.

“Yep.”

With a wave Lee and I headed off up the street. We walked casually up the path to Doc’s front door, unlike mine, his faced the street. His porch was in full view of the neighbors. No trees or fence to provide cover. Just like a front door should be to dissuade burglars.

I wondered if there was an alarm system. Lee peered into the window beside the door.

“Can’t see an alarm panel.”

“Good.”

There was no outward advertising if there was an alarm. I glanced about not wanting anyone to creep up behind us as I dove into the second part of the plan. From my pocket, I pulled a small leather case and took two thin pieces of metal, never leave home without a lock pick, gun, and clean underwear.

I tumbled the lock and swung the door open.

“After you,” I said standing aside and letting Lee through the door.

“Let’s hope there is no alarm.”

“Or camera,” I replied following him in and closing the door.

We stood in a surprisingly spacious entrance way. Doors opened off the almost octagonal area. By the front door was a table. On the table a bowl and a letter rack. No mail waited. I looked closely at the bowl noting tiny chips and cracks. I surmised he walked in the front door and dropped his keys in the bowl.

“He keeps his keys here.”

“This is a really nice place,” Lee commented. “Let’s get snooping.”

That was when I realized I should’ve felt bad but I didn’t. I was breaking laws and several friendship codes yet I didn’t feel guilt. Maybe I didn’t feel guilt because I was a lapsed catholic and guilt was no longer part of my life.

I found the living room. Tasteful, comfortable and tidy. It was as I expected. Photographs lined the walls, some old some recent, all interesting. Some candid shots of Delta team members and what I thought may have been family shots mingled with amazing scenery in black and white. He was quite the photographer. My eyes fell on a stack of CD’s. It looked like something from my place. Lorenza Ponce, Grange, Bon Jovi, Rolling Stones, the Eagles, and some Queen. The order intrigued me. I knew that order. It was my preferred order when listening to those particular albums.

Okay he had good taste in music. Moving on.

Lee called me from another room. I followed the sound of his voice to another room. Books lined two walls, floor to ceiling, there was a fireplace and a comfortable looking leather sofa and an old oak desk. A library.

“He reads a lot,” Lee commented.

“He does.” I scanned titles on the walls. “Lot of crime fiction and thrillers here. He likes Jeffrey Deaver, a lot.”

Also a lot of medical texts. There were a pile of medical journals on the corner of the desk.

I looked around the room no sign of an e Reader anywhere.

“Let’s see what he reads at night…” Lee said.

“Bedroom,” I replied. A little bit of guilt edged in.

We found it easily. His bed was unmade. The closest open. His many suits hung in color order. From left to right, starting with a platinum pinstripe and ending with a black tuxedo. I wouldn’t mind seeing him in that. I peered into the bottom of the closet and saw a large shopping bag. Red and gold gift paper was just visible without me moving anything. Gifts. For whom I did not know.

On his nightstand there were three books in a pile. No e Reader.

“All right. A Kindle. That’s what we’re getting him.”

“Maybe he likes the feel of books,” Lee replied. “He has a lot.”

“But he’s also out of shelf space,” I countered.

“Clever.” Lee was on board.

“Let’s get out of here.”

My phone rang.

Doc.

“Hey,” I said while following Lee to the front door.

“I’m done just heading home to change. Might be a little early, that okay?”

“Sure.”

I hung up.

“Let’s go. He’s on his way.”

We hurried out and relocked the door. On the way to the car I had some observations.

“No Christmas tree,” I said.

“No decking the halls,” Lee replied.

“Apart from his bedroom it didn’t look like anyone lived there.”

“He reads, takes photographs, and listens to music. That’s all we know.”

“Not all. He’s a good photographer and he reads a lot.”

I decided the music thing bordered on creepy and left it alone.

We climbed back into the car.

“We’re going to Best Buy. Carla and I will buy him a Kindle you two can buy him a case and light,” I said pulling away from the curb.

Christmas solved.

I decided on the scenic route from Doc’s to Fair lakes shopping center in Fairfax. Didn’t want to risk seeing Doc on his way home.

“I’ll drop you back at your car when we’re done here,” I said as I pulled into a car park across from Best Buy.

“He does celebrate Christmas, doesn’t he?” Lee asked. “Nothing indicated Christmas in his apartment.”

“Did you look inside his closest?”

He shook his head. The four of us stood in the icy cold outside the car.

“There were gifts wrapped in red and gold paper at the bottom of his closet.”

Lee smiled. “Let’s go get his presents before we freeze to death.”

“And I have to get home and cook dinner - can’t very have nothing to offer when I invited the man!”

….

To be finished at some point (maybe)

 copyright Cat Connor 2011-2012